Gratitude and Joy: My Neighborhood Church and Trees

Gratitude and Joy: Day 3

I am grateful for:

My Neighborhood Church:
We didn't go to church growing up. My parents grew up Methodist and were not "lapsed" so much as intentionally "nah" by the time I came around. Both sets of grandparents went to church and nearly all of my childhood friends did, so I went sometimes if I was staying over the weekend with someone who did. Recently I've become interested in exploring my spirituality and religion, less because of any kind of newfound belief and more out of a desire to see what's what and find out what I believe and what a spiritual community and ritual might have to offer me. I'll go from there. 

I did some research before picking a church to attend, and boy, did I luck out. The Presbyterian church I've been going to--still very sporadically--is literally in my neighborhood (which feels important somehow, and beyond the pleasantness for a newbie to a Sunday morning get-up routine of a less than ten minute round-trip), the service is traditional without feeling out of touch, the sermons are excellent and on point, the music (my single favorite part) is lovely, and--most important--everyone is genuine, friendly, welcoming, and *not pushy.* I don't know yet whether I will become a regular attendee of this (or any) church or if my attendance will change anything about what I believe or my relationship with faith, but I'm so grateful to have found a place to explore it that I enjoy going to and where I feel welcome.

I feel joyful around:

Trees:
You've probably seen one of those articles of foreign words for things we can't say in English and come across the Japanese word shinrin-yoku, which means "forest bath," and refers to a contemplative walk through nature. They're always accompanied by pictures of beautiful trees, these articles, and every time I come across one of them, something inside me goes "Yep." I've always been a lover of trees, and lately I've been trying to go for a short walk through our neighborhood as near to every morning as I can manage. We're right on the edge between the end of the city and the beginning of the country here, and we have a lot of trees and almost, almost, a forest just up the road. For a joyful start to the day, nothing beats a quiet walk under sunlight dappling through the trees.

Gratitude and Joy: Extras and Pentatonix's Hark the Harald Angels Sing

Gratitude and Joy: Day 2

I am grateful for: 

Extras:

Today was tree day in our house. We drove our SUV ten miles to the edge of town and bought a freshly cut Christmas tree and brought it back to our spacious house and decorated it with lights and ornaments while we listened to music on our fancy entertainment system. Yesterday I went to Target and bought a fair amount of nice things that are pretty and pleasant to have that we do not need, like a new pillow that says "Merry Christmas" on it and some new tree ornaments and a spiffy plastic box designed to keep your light strings from getting tangled up in storage. I derive a lot of emotional security and real, but surface-level, happiness from having pleasant things, but in the end, they are extras. Because they do make me feel genuinely good, I am grateful that we are in a position to provide them for ourselves. But today I'm using my gratitude to challenge myself to remember more often those who live without the extras and those who struggle without the necessities. We support a number of causes that are important to us, but it's been a while since I've put my body where our money is. I've been thinking about finding a soup kitchen to volunteer at regularly or training to help out at our local literacy initiative, which largely helps refugees who have relocated to our area learn the English they need to help them rebuild their lives in our country. In light of the extras I'm glad to have, it's time to commit to one of these inclinations to help those who don't.   

I feel joyful listening to:

"Hark the Harald Angels Sing," by Pentatonix

The first verse of Penatonix's "Hark the Harald Angels Sing" brings tears to my eyes. The harmony! The bass! I'm going to let this one speak for itself: go listen. If you have a good pair of headphones you can plug into your device, do. Trust me, it will be worth it. 

Gratitude and Joy: The Bookternet and The Moon

Gratitude and Joy: Day 1

I am grateful for:

The Bookterweb
As an eighties kid, I kind of grew up along with the internet. It started out for me as a thing you got on to do a specific thing, like check your email or read a fannish bulletin board. It remained a novelty for quite a while, a thing I sometimes did (not so much used) just for the sake of doing it. Hey! I'm internetting! How cool is this? It's morphed by now, of course, into an ever-present entity, a thing I kind of can't really get through my day without and which I find myself doing brain hacks to lessen my reliance on. My relationship with it has soured, in other words. But there's one piece of it that invariably improves my life, and that's the bookterweb.

I've always been a bookish person, and for long years my desire to be a part of the book world was satisfied by being a college student and later a graduate student in English. Book people everywhere! But those days are behind me now, and I miss having bookish people wherever I turn. But the bookish parts of the internet do an excellent job standing in for a large circle of book-friendly acquaintances. (Sometimes it's better than a large circle of book-friendly acquaintances. The bookterweb will always be more diverse and cater to more niches than any group of humans gathered in one place can hope to be.) It's only been in the last four years or so that I've really sunk elbow-deep in bookish places online, and I've realized lately just how much all of those places add to my intellectual and emotional life. I'm not exaggerating in the slightest when I saw that a day does not go by where I am not brought happiness by bookish websites, forums, podcasts, or Youtube videos that I would not find anywhere else. They say the internet makes it easier for people to find their tribe. I've found mine, even if I might like to interact face-to-face more than the internet allows for, and seriously, how cool is that?

I feel joyful around:

The Moon
The moon is just a sliver shy of full tonight, and as I was walking the dog, trying to hurry her along a bit to get us inside the nice, lit-up house and out of the dark road, I caught sight of the moon through the bare branches of a tree in our yard. And it stopped me cold. It often does. I glance up and it catches me, hanging there in all its certainty and improbability. I'm not the first person to feel small gazing up at it or the first person to get kind of warm in the chest and break out in a grin at the sight of it either, I'm sure. It takes me a minute sometimes to identify that feeling I get, because it's so big, and tinged with something just a bit fearsome, but it is joy. Hanging right there in the sky.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

In a previous iteration of my blog, some six or so years ago, I did a post about how Christmas can get all snarly and tangled up, what with all the extra stuff we "have" to do; and the financial, familial, and other stresses that can come with the season; and the expectation to feel joy now, right now, regardless of where you are emotionally otherwise. It was ultimately one of those "concentrate on the bits that actually matter" posts (you know, like, count your blessings and all that stuff). And in yet another iteration of the blog (years and years ago now, back when Livejournal and the like were still really, really popular, a whole bunch of my friends and I all had blogs on one of those platforms and it was like one big verbose interwebby family for a brief, wonderful little while), I did an "advent calendar" series, where I recommended a holiday thing or tradition each day and talked about why they mattered to me. (Alas, that blog is no longer extant, so no linky for you.) 

I feel a pull toward that kind of post again this year. I had a half-formed notion to do a quick post every day in November about something I’m thankful for, but then it was halfway through the month and I hadn’t done it at all. And I like the idea of sharing the things that *do* make me feel nice and warm and fuzzy and blessed at this time of year. So, starting on Friday and going on through Christmas day, I’ll be doing another advent calendar series of sorts. I’m calling it “Gratitude and Joy,” where each day I’ll share one thing I’m thankful for and one thing that brings me joy. In keeping with the season, many, though likely not all, of these things will be related to Christmas in some way. 

I hope that these posts will bring a little light and happiness into this season for you, whether Christmas has meaning for you or not, whether you are tending toward joy yourself or not in these last weeks of 2017.

When You're Afraid to Reread

While I'm not a big rereader, I do have my favorites that I come back to over and over. I seem to be perpetually in the midst of another Harry Potter reread, I come back to half-remembered books from my childhood occasionally, and I do a ritualized reread of A Christmas Carol every year (one stanza each evening from 20th December through Christmas Eve). I reread more often as a child and a teenager, possibly because I had fewer books available to me than I do now but I suspect more because I had less expectation that I "ought" to be reading certain things and just happily re-immersed myself in the stories I liked best. 

So I'm no stranger to the reread, but I have a handful of books I've been avoiding rereading, books that I loved so much at a certain moment in time that I'm afraid to go back to them lest they turn out to be less than wonderful and the memories are tainted. These are the books I would come back to precisely because I wanted to feel the same thing I felt last time but fear that feeling was singular and the memory of it is better than finding out I can't step into that particular textual river ever again.

Here are four books I hesitate to reread:

Number the Stars, Lois Lowry

I first read this World War II middle grade chapter book in fifth grade, and while I suspect I read it repeatedly around that time of my life, I've never reread it as an adult. I loved the story and the friendship between the main characters. It was probably one of my first experiences of enjoying a book while also understanding that it dealt with serious, real topics that were outside of the realm of what was entertaining. Ironically, it is my fear that my fuller, more complete adult understanding of the Holocaust will keep me from enjoying the book at all that keeps me from coming back to it now.

Heir to the Empire, Timothy Zahn

I no longer remember whether this is the first Star Wars book I ever read (I don't think so?), but it was early in my deep dive into Star Wars fandom early in high school. Every summer I spent a week or so with my grandparents, and I remember so clearly lying on a patio chair in their breezeway just inhaling this book. While the book itself was good and certainly helped cement my growing love of Star Wars, it is more the memory of reading it that I do not wish to disturb with a reread. Maybe if I read it again it would be just as fun as the first time and I would just add another layer to my memory of the book. But what if I was bored? Better to let it alone.

Circle of Friends, Maeve Binchy

I loved Maeve Binchy as a teenager and read several of her books. Circle of Friends was always my favorite, though. I loved all the characters, the setting was fascinating to me, and I found the way the book didn’t end with everything all tied up neatly and predictably happily both disturbing and refreshingly realistic. I’ve tried reading some Binchy as an adult, and I always wander away from them, finding them too loosely focused and a little too twee. It’s entirely possible that her writing style changed since Circle of Friends and I would find that one just as grabbing as I did at fifteen, but I’d rather not risk finding out I don’t.

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

Of all the books here, this is the one I’m most likely to reread despite my reservations. I *love* Jane Eyre, and I have since the first time I read it, at sixteen, largely on the bus coming home from school. I was completely caught up in the gothickiness and the moors and the mysterious Mr. Rochester. I loved the way Jane stood up for her sense of what was right and that she didn’t take the safe, secure option. I rejoiced in its happy ending. I have reread Jane Eyre at least once since that first time but not recently. I know so much more about life now, and about the world, and I’m much more aware of the flaws of Jane’s time period. The way I would think about and react to so much of this novel will have changed so much. Bits that were just great story when I was younger will now have troubling things to say about mental health and race and misogyny and colonialism. And all that is good and as it should be. I have just not yet been willing to tramp through my love of this book with my adult, open eyes. That I get to waffle about “ruining” my initial innocent read of this book is, of course, a result of my own privilege, and I doubt that I’ll be able sit around without properly interrogating my memory of this book for much longer.

There you have it! Some of my favorite books I’m hesitant to reread. What are some of yours?

Fitting Podcasts into Your Life

Whenever I talk about podcasts to friends and family, I inevitably hear from someone that they’re interested in checking some out but just don’t know how they could possibly fit them into their lives. Occasionally I suspect that’s just polite speak for “Ug, *again* with this. We’re changing the subject.” But for those who really are interested but aren’t sure how to do yet. another. thing, I am here to help. Read on!

Make 'Em Portable

Many podcasts can be listened to on the web (and therefore through your computer), but if you’re having trouble levering them into your routine, your best bet is to make podcasts as portable as possible. Find you a podcatcher (the app that will let you download, listen, and subscribe to podcasts--Google “podcatcher recs” and find the one that is right for you and your device) for your phone. Great! Now you have access to your podcasts pretty much anywhere. How you get the soundwaves into your earballs is the next step. I honestly just turn the sound up decently high on my phone and put my phone in my back pocket, speaker up. The phone (and the podcast) go with me wherever I go as I’m going about household things, and I can hear perfectly well over everything except the vacuum cleaner. Headphones are also an option (maybe a wireless pair if you could join me in the Impossibly Tangled Up in My Headphone Wires Club), especially if you need to be considerate of other humans sharing your space. Should you just need bigger sound than your phone can produce, there are any number of small, portable, affordable Bluetooth speakers on the market that can help you with that. Bottom line is: make it easy for you to take your podcasts anywhere and hear them wherever you go. Then you can start slotting them into your routine whenever you have the chance.

Make Car Time Fly

If you can connect your phone to your car’s stereo system through Bluetooth, it’s easy to listen to podcasts in the car. Turn your commute into your favorite time of day by catching up with your favorite podcasts while you get all the places you need to be.

Listen Whenever Your Ears Are Free

Remember Mary Poppins’s spoonful of sugar and how it helped the medicine go down? Podcasts are the sugar that helps me get the chores done. Cooking? Dishes? Cleaning? Bill paying? Laundry folding? Organizing books? All a little more fun with the latest episode of my favorite podcast playing in the background. They help the time pass, and if you’re like me, the carrot of the podcast might actually help you get to some chores you’d otherwise let slide. Think outside the box here, too. Maybe listen in the shower. (If I turn the volume up all the way and put the phone down on the shelf just outside the shower, I can hear just fine unless my actual ears are completely under the actual stream of water. Probably there are more high-tech, water proofy ways to accomplish this too.) Listen when you take the dog out. (I listened to the entire backlog of a podcast by turning it on every time I took our new puppy out last summer.) Listen while you get ready for bed. (A nice, soothing podcast helps me wind down as I do the handful of small things that have to happen before lights out—checking the front door is locked, giving the cat fresh water, turning on the dishwasher, brushing my teeth, etc.)

Make Them an Excuse to Do a Handsy Thing

Do you have a knitting project languishing in your basket? Is your sewing machine gathering dust? Is there a half-assembled model ship in your basement? Podcasts are excellent “background” for any kind of project you do with your hands, especially if you’re like me and the constant changing of focus if you try to watch TV while doing handwork gives you a headache.  

Sweat!

If you’re exercising already, consider listening to a podcast while you do it. Cycle them in with your music or audiobooks. If you aren’t exercising already, use the podcasts as a bribe to get yourself to do it. Walk around the block until you’ve got through a whole episode. Voilà! Thirty minutes or an hour of exercise under your belt!

Listen with a Buddy or a Boo

Pick a podcast that you’d enjoy with a good friend or your significant other and make listening to it a date. Make an event out of it—have a living room picnic or snuggle on the couch or listen on the way to a favorite restaurant and then discuss the ep over your favorite meal together.

Give Yourself Permission to Do Nothing Else for a Few Minutes a Day

You work too hard. (Oh yes you do.) Take fifteen minutes for yourself. Shut the door. Sit down. Put your feet up. Do nothing else but listen. Ahhhh. And remember: you don’t have to listen to a whole podcast episode in one go. Your catcher will remember your place. If you only have fifteen minutes, just listen for fifteen minutes. Catch the rest of it next time.

All right, what are you waiting for? Go forth and listen to your heart’s content!

So You Want to Read a Romance Novel

Recently an article appeared in The New York Times Book Review rounding up romance novels being released this fall, and the romance community reacted with disappointment, disgust, and bewilderment to its tone and stance. (See some of the best reactions pieces from Ron Hogan; Sarah Wendell from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books; and Amanda Diehl at BookRiot.) The editorial director of the books section at NYTBR has responded, and readers are even more annoyed at that tone-deaf, condescending response (see the comments section of that article). I thought about writing about my own reaction to the piece, but it would largely be repeating what so many have already said so well. So, instead, I give you a handful of recommendations for romance reads, selected from among my favorites. While each of these is a particular favorite of mine, they also provide a small sample of the variety of scenarios and issues romance novels examine. Follow the title links to Amazon for plot descriptions and the author links for more about each author. 

For Real, Alexis Hall

Contemporary, m/m

Explores a BDSM relationship between two men with a significant age difference. Exquisite writing and a story that turns stereotypes about BDSM on their head.

Carry the Ocean, Heidi Cullinan

Contemporary, m/m

Centers around two young men navigating mental health issues as well as their budding relationship. Considered representation of depression, anxiety, and autism.

Trade Me, Courtney Milan

Contemporary m/f

Explores class and race issues and spotlights eating disorders in men.

Captive Prince Trilogy, C.S. Pacat

Fantasy, m/m

Lush world building and a slow-burn examination of hatred, loyalty, and love.

A Rogue by Any Other Name, Sarah Maclean

Regency, m/f

Fascinating interactions between hero and heroine within the confines of regency-era society coupled with feminist sensibilities and a lot of wit.

Of course, these recommendations are limited to my own experience with romance and lack the full breadth of what the genre has to offer. For even more variety to explore, check out these lists:

Diverse Historical Romances (Book Riot)

The Best Romance Novels (NPR)

Romance Reviews by Genre, Archetype, and Theme (Smart Bitches, Trashy Books)

Best Lesbian Romance Novels (Jezebel)

Three Authors Discuss Their Favorite Romance Authors Featuring People of Color (Bitchmedia)

Happy reading!